


Lost my way, found my way

by firebreather15



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boyfriends, Boys In Love, But mostly angst, Canon Compliant, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, jihope - Freeform, or kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-27
Updated: 2017-10-27
Packaged: 2019-01-25 07:31:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12526184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firebreather15/pseuds/firebreather15
Summary: "Hoseok swirled on his bed and woke up at the feeling of too much space on it, he stretched out his arm, looking for Jimin in the darkness just to find an empty spot instead"





	Lost my way, found my way

**Author's Note:**

> I highly recommend reading this while listening to Jungkook's cover of 2U.  
> English is not my mother tongue so sorry in advance for any mistake.  
> I hope you like it and make it to the end <3

It was a sad day. The clouds covered the sky above him, the heavy rain pouring over Hoseok as he run back home from the studio. He had been working all day on his mixtape and it was not until midnight that he looked at the clock that hanged on the wall and realised how late it was. The studio wasn’t far from his flat so he hadn't bothered to pick up an umbrella when he left early in the morning, but now he was regretting it. He waited at the door looking for his keys, his clothes were dumped, he was sure they weight more than him, he clumsily unlocked the door and walked inside the apartment, taking off his shoes and leaving them on a carpet in order not to damp the clean floor.

The flat was dark and silent, but he didn’t bother to switch on the lights. He struggled not to run into any of the furniture on the corridor as he made his way to the living room. Empty. He sighed and headed to the bathroom, closing the door after him and getting undressed, he stared at his reflection for a long moment, he look tired, his hair was a mess, his skin seemed paler under the light and the dark circles under his eyes standed out more than usually. He got into the shower and let the hot water warm his cold body. He stayed numb under the stream of water, waiting for it to clear his mind, to relax him and wash his stress away, at least it was over. He closed the tap in front of him and grabbed a towel, dried his hair and tied it around his waist on his way out. 

The kitchen was empty too. Hoseok opened the fridge and found a bowl of ramen Jimin should have cooked thinking that that night they would had had dinner together. He should make it up to him tomorrow somehow. Maybe going out for dinner or prepare something himself, he couldn’t remember when had been the last time that he have surprised Jimin with anything. Hoseok stared at the bowl rotating on the microwave boredly, the sound of the bell startling him up. It tasted good, but it should have tasted better if he had eaten it with Jimin. 

He headed to his bedroom and sneaked inside, touching blindly at the wardrobe, looking for the drawer of his underwear. When he found it, he drawed out the first pair of boxers he touched and put them on before sneaking into bed, the warmness enveloping him. He moved closer to the small body lying next to him, placing his hand on his waist, stroking it with his thumb. The other boy didn’t move so he just buried his head on the soft hair of the younger mumbling “Goodnight Jiminnie” before drifting away.

//

Jimin waited and waited, staring at the two bowls of now cold ramen on the table in front of him. It was nearly midnight and there was no sign of Hoseok. He tried calling him but found out he had left his phone at home. Disappointed but not surprised. He got tired of waiting, his appetite already gone, he put one bowl inside the fridge for when his boyfriend decided to show up and threw the content of the other one in the rubbish bin.

Probably Hoseok would had stayed working and hadn’t realised how late it was, like he had been doing since the last seven months when he started writing and producing his own mixtape. He was so cheerful about it when he first told him, his eyes were shining, full of excitement. He remembered they had gone out to celebrate it with a romantic dinner and a night in a fancy hotel. It had been the last time they had enjoyed themselves properly. With a sigh Jimin switched off all the lights and headed to his bedroom, throwing himself on the king size bed, which felt extremely big for just one person. Even though he was alone he was lying on the edge, clutching at the soft fabric of the duvet. He wasn’t able to sleep, like always, he was worried, maybe something had happened, or maybe he was too obsessed about it but he couldn’t relax until he heard the noise of the front door being opened. After a half and hour or so he felt the bed sank at the weight of another person on it. He didn’t move though. He always pretended to be sleeping, it was something he grew used to within the time. It was hard though, not being able to face Hoseok after a whole day waiting for him. He hoped that Hoseok would tried to wake him up, to kiss him, to let him now that he was still in love with him but all he did was cuddle him and wish him goodnight. It was better than nothing but Jimin started to get tired of it.

//

Hoseok swirled on his bed and woke up at the feeling of too much space on it, he stretched out his arm, looking for Jimin in the darkness just to find an empty spot instead. He jump out of bed desperately and run to the door, stopping on the living room at the sight of a small shape on the floor, wrapped around a blanket, facing the large windows. He walked slowly towards the younger boy and sat down next to him. Jimin was staring at the storm outside, the glow of the lightnings reflecting on his face. They lived on the top of the building, so from there they could enjoy the view of the whole city. It was beautiful, and most especially at dawn, when the sun emerged in between the mountains’ peaks at the far end. Hoseok just stayed there, looking at Jimin, afraid of touching him, as if he did so, he would brake. “Couldn’t you sleep?” He end up saying, unable to stand the awkwardness that filled in the room.

“How did this happen?”Jimin said, still focused on the natural spectacle in front of his eyes. Hoseok was taken aback at the sudden question. He didn’t understand. 

“What do you mean baby?” Hoseok asked with a curious look, tilting his head as he moved closer but not close enough to touch him.

Jimin then buried his head on his knees and mumbled “I mean us”. His voice was low and the sound of it came out muffled. If it wasn’t because Hoseok was near him he wouldn’t have heard it. A sudden feeling of fear rose on his chest, burning.

“Look if this is for today I… ” His voice dropped to a lower tone but Jimin didn’t let him finish what he was saying. He looked up at Hoseok, eyes red and glassy, and the older boy felt his heart stopped at the sight of it. What he had done? 

“I know you are working hard but that’s not what bothers me...” Jimin’s voice was cracked, tears dropping, tracing a wet line down his cheeks, his lower lip trembling as the words came out, “Is that you seem distant... I don’t know what did I do but I’m sorry”

“Baby it’s okay I… you didn’t do anything...” Hoseok answered but Jimin kept talking, as if didn’t hear Hoseok, unable to hold back the thoughts that had been running through his head the past months, “I feel like the only time you share with me you are not here, like you don’t care about me anymore, and it hurts, it really hurts”

Having Jimin crying in front of him was painful, but not being able to came up with the right words to comfort him hurted more. He felt useless, as if everything he did only made things worse, that no matter how hard he tried, there was nothing he could do to fix this. 

“That’s not true... I love you” The stinging feeling of holding back the tears now harder to bear.

“I want to believe it, I do, and I love you too, but i can’t…” He waited, as if he wasn’t sure about what he would say next, “I need a break”

He felt as if his world was shattering right in front of him, and the only thing he could do was sitting there, staring at the broken pieces falling to the ground. 

“Please don’t...don’t leave me” Hoseok sobbed, reaching out his hand but Jimin didn’t hold it, he just looked down at it and then back up at him. They locked stares, they were a few inches away from each other but it felt like there was a wall between them, a wall that grew thicker as they talk.

“You already left me behind Hoseok” His words felt like a knife sinking slowly on his chest, leaving a wound that wouldn’t heal even with stitches.

The room was silent, Jimin was hugging his knees, his eyes closed, his chest rising and falling fast as he kept crying, breathing loudly. Hoseok had never seen him like that, he was wrecked, and there was no one to blame but him. The question Jimin had asked now making more sense. How did this happen? How he could be this blind? Jimin was always there when he arrived home, he was always leaving him supportive messages on the phone, encouraging him to keep on working on the mixtape. But he had just smiled at the messages, never answering them, just wanting to finish and arrive home, just to find him sleeping, just making sure he was still there. He should have known better. He kneeled in front of him and placed his hand on his cheek, slowly, afraid that he would pushed him away. Instead, Jimin opened his eyes at the touch, leaning on his hand.

Hoseok leaned closer, bending over the younger boy, leaving a soft kiss on his forehead. He moved his hand from his cheek to his chin, lifting his head up, meeting his eyes before closing them and kissing him on the lips, which were wet and swollen. They kissed, but it didn’t feel right, it was a desperate kiss, a kiss that said I love you, that said I need you, but that also said goodbye, and any of them wanted to let go, fearing it would be the last one. It was Hoseok who moved away first, leaving the younger boy with his mouth half open, needing more.

“Can I show you something… please?” Hoseok begged and Jimin glanced up at him, his eyes still full of tears and nodded silently. Hoseok got up as fast as he could and headed to the entrance, picking up his bag and drawing out his laptop out of it, before coming back to the living room. He placed the computer on the small table and turned it on. He sat on the floor, spreading his legs and beckoning Jimin to sit between them. He did so and Hoseok embraced him, as gently as he could. “Listen I know I was too focused on my work and It’s my fault, but I want to show you something” He whispered softly, resting his chin on Jimin’s shoulder as he searched for the music folder. He found it and pressed play, the volume was too high and both jumped as they didn’t expect it. They look at each other and laughed shyly afraid that anything they would do could brake the moment. Hoseok lower the volume and went on, as delicate as before “It’s just a demo, it still needs some changes here and there, but nothing that would need too much time. I hope you like it” Hoseok blushed at the sound of his voice coming from the computer. He felt nervous, because he had never liked to hear his own voice, it was something that he had always felt it was weird, as if it sounded different from what he heard when he speaked, but mostly because Jimin didn’t say a word about it. He couldn’t see his face, which make him more anxious, he couldn’t figure out what the other boy would be thinking. But there was one thing he knew for sure, and that was that Jimin had stopped crying.

“Hoseok… this is really good” Jimin said quietly, not turning around to face him.

Hoseok let out a breath which he hadn’t realised he was holding, a sudden feeling of relief washing over him, “I wanted you to be the first one to listen to it. I wanted to make it perfect so you would be proud of me... I also need to ask you something. I wrote this song,” Hoseok reached out to the laptop and skipped to the last track. The music was different this time. Whereas the other songs had a strong beat, this one was slow but not in a sad way “and I think your sweet voice will suit it the most. There’s a lot of me in this mixtape, but I also want you to be there”

Hoseok rest his arms around Jimin’s body, caressing at the fabric of his shirt as he waited for an answer.

“But why?” Jimin asked, turning around so they were looking at each other. There was no bitterness in his question but curiosity instead. 

“Because there’s no me without you.” Hoseok said softly but not smiling, not hesitating, he wanted to make Jimin understand. To understand that he wanted to be with him. That no matter what he was doing, he was always thinking about him. That the only thing that made him carry on without looking back was Jimin. 

Jimin was speechless, his eyes wide open and his cheeks red, not only because of the constant crying. He bit his lip hesitantly. Hoseok didn’t want to push him, but the silent was tearing him from inside out. Jimin noticed that he was nervous so he opened his mouth and mumbled “I don’t know what to say”

“Say yes,” Hoseok found himself speaking desperately. He buried his face on the crook of his neck, clutching at the fabric of his shirt, unable to hold himself, “...please.”

//

Jimin looked down at Hoseok as the older boy clutched at him, feeling his heartbeats knocking against his chest, the feelings of sadness and sudden relief mixing up. It was a hard question, more than it first seemed. He knew there was a plea underneath. The pleading of forgiving him, of not leaving. And Jimin wanted to stay, the mere idea of walking away from Hoseok, brought back the tears.

Jimin hugged him, wrapping his cold body with his blanket so both were covered by it. Hoseok glanced back up at him the question still present on his eyes. He looked tired, and Jimin wondered if he had been selfish somehow, thinking that he was the only one going through a hard time here.

He nodded before leaning over Hoseok, their foreheads pressed against each other. The older boy reached out his hand to wipe away the tears under Jimin’s eyes, the younger couldn’t help but smile at the warmness of his touch. He had missed this so much, there was nothing that he loved more than the way Hoseok touched him, he was gentle and careful, always asking for permission with his eyes. He would never do anything to hurt him, at least on purpose.

Hoseok lifted Jimin up so he was sitting on his lap, he grabbed his back and pushed him down, pressing him against his body so there was no space between them. They kissed, their lips parting, and it tasted of tears, but this time there was no sorrow, no pain, no fear. It was a sweet kiss, delicate, slow and full of emotions, full of love and complicity, full of unspoken words, and both did understand.


End file.
